I know this may seem weird but I am always worrying about what an unchurched student thinks when he/she attends a “church youth ministry program”.

For example, a few weeks ago, I observed two new middle school students attend and enter a church environment for the very 1st time in their life.  I just sat back and watch them process their 1st “church experience.”  They were really quiet and non-responsive.

I wondered:

-  What are they thinking?  Are they overwhelmed?  Do they think church youth group is stupid and irrelevant?

-  Do they think the Biblical message matters for how they live their life?  In fact do they even respect the Bible?

-  What do they think about the worship, especially the lyrics they are suppose to sing along with?

-  Do they feel included or judged?

-  What adults have greeted them and made them feel important? Did any other students meet and greet them?

I am learning more and more that it is okay to constantly be considering the unchurched student who shows up to our  church youth group environments.

As youth workers I think it is wise to be asking the question of:  How can our youth ministry create an environment that will be safe for a student who says No to church and No to God?

It doesn’t matter what youth outreach strategies you adopt: Inside/Out approach (go on to the unchurched students’ turf) or the Outside/In approach (unchurched students come to our turf (church)).  But what does matter is architecting places and spaces where unchurched students feel comfortable with Jesus following students and leaders.

When I was in Los Angeles, CA (circa 2004-2005) I was on mission to figure out how to architect warm, nonjudgemental, accepting and inclusive environments that communicated to unchurched students that they could BE in “church environments” and not feel weird or judged.  In my pursuit, I stumbled upon Mosaic Church (aka Erwin Mcmanus’ church) where I learned (by visiting Mosaic and taking a class with Erwin) how they were able to create spaces and places that highly encourage both believers and nonbelievers to fellowship together.  The major value that Erwin injected in Moasic’s culture was architecting places where unchurched people didn’t have to believe in order to belong. Erwin articulated that the church/youth group is often a 1st space where no outsiders are allowed.  The 2nd space is a generic set of relationships where not everyone is like you, yet there’s still relationships.  The 3rd space is where there’s no relationships, and there won’t be unless invited.

Third spaces are when nonbelievers feel included in “neutral” spaces.  Third spaces allow students to belong before they have to believe.

The problem is…..  we (myself included) immediately want unchurched student to behave before they “officially” belong.  I get it… it is so much easier not paying attention to the unchurched student because they don’t talk like us, believe like us, pray like us, behave like us, dress like us, and think like us.  Unchurched students make professional paid Christian church youth pastors feel real uneasy because unchurched students don’t know the church rules and their worldview and behaviors are way more risky.

But………

Could you imagine if students felt like they already belonged before they had to  behave? And these unchurched students were immediately  surrounded and greeted by adult who care?

Chap Clark writes in Hurt:

“Today’s adolescents are, as a lot, indescribably lonely.” (p. 69)

“Midadolescents believe that few if any adults genuinely care about them.” (p. 68)

“Adolescents have suffered the loss of safe relationships and intimate settings that served as the primary nurturing community for those traveling the path from child to adult… (50)

Today’s postmodern students long to belong!  They need places where trusted-committed adults genuinely care for them.

My point is:  create 3rd space(s) that communicate to an unchurched student they belong and that they will be cared for before they have to believe.  Create a place for others – where people different from us feel welcome.

How To Create 3rd Spaces in Youth Ministry:

-  make all service mission trips open to all students.

-  recruit and train leaders to be incarnational witnesses who unconditionally love and accept any type of student.  It is important to teach leaders how to think incarnationally.  Feel free to read my posts about the theological understanding of incarnational outreach and strategies in youth outreach.  I highly recommending reading Pete Ward’s book:  God at the Mall to better understand how to create environments that will engage any student.

-  look for neutral places and spaces in the community.  i.e. coffee shops, mall, school campuses, beach, bowling alley, restaurants

-  intentionally create time in youth ministry programs that acknowledges, affirms and invites unchurched students to belong.

-  create church environments that are relevant to any teen.  Think through your teaching style (especially your language) and environment athesetics.

-  visit a local young life club and observe how they program around the unchurch student.  Essentially their programming is centered around the non-believer.  Young life is brillant in how they create Third Spaces.  Their third spaces are highly relational.

-  do events outside of the church walls and invite every student in the community.  i.e. concerts, BBQs, bowling nights, dodgeball tournaments, sporting events, laser tag, arcades, etc. Remember the goal is building relationships with unchurched students not whacking them with Bible verses.  I love third spaces in youth ministry because it highly encourages FUN and CRAZINESS!!!!!!!!

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Questions I Want To Ask Youth Workers:

-  Do you also worry about what unchurched students think about your “youth ministry environments”?  What is the general feedback when an outsider attends your youth group?  How often are you thinking about the unchurched students in your youth ministry programming?

-  Do you also have a tendency to get students to believe before they officially belong?  Or do you allow unchurched students to fully participants in your youth ministry before they accept Jesus?

-  What other third places examples would you recommend that encourages the unchurched and churched students to intersect?  What are some neutral spaces in your church environment and in your community?

Regardless of the size or style or cultural setting of your church, the issue of family is universal.  –Joiner, Reggie Think Orange p.  229

One of the biggest evangelism efforts should be to reach out to all families in our communities.  Everyone has a family, so family is a shared interest for everyone. If youth ministries were able to speak to the needs of the family there would be some amazing outreach potential.  Student pastors are trained to train their students to evangelize their friends at school. In fact, I go to great lengths talking about the insane importance of evangelism in our youth ministries:  Talking About Jesus, Persuading Teenagers About Christ, explaining the theory of Inside/Out Evangelism, and illustrating Strategies in Youth Outreach. Youth ministry evangelism is a great thing but what if youth ministries widen their reach beyond students to all families in the community?

The church’s historical view of family:

-  church was at the center of community

-  family was central to the church

-  families saw the church as their community

-  sunday school was taught by parents/grandparents and rarely attended by teenagers

-  youth groups were lead by lay leaders and focused on fellowship

-  discipleship was the primary task in the home

-  church staff was limited to immediate and broad pastoral concerns

How youth ministry drifted away from the historical view of family:

-  student ministries detached themselves from the church family

-  tends to solely focus on making Christian families holier and better

-  advocates for individualistic discipleship for it’s students

-  promotes that big church is only for adults

-  community doesn’t see church as primary influence or as a resource to families

How youth ministries can reach out to families in their community:

Encourage missional parenting – missional parenting means:  1)  that Jesus-loving parents love and care for students who don’t have great home situations and 2) Jesus-loving parents love and care for other parents who do not attend the church.  Sometimes Christian students are not living in Christian homes, which means that these students will need a Christian influence from many other Christian adults, in particular other parents.  In my experience I always had a handful of amazing church families who really felt called to take in these students by: paying for their  camp/event fees, providing hospitality towards them (open door policy to their home), giving them rides to and from church, praying with and for them, and befriending their parents.

Parents interact with other parents, which can lead to Christian parents influencing other unchurched parents to come check out church or understand what youth group is about. Honestly I think missional parenting is the biggest factor in reaching unchurched parents.  The parents of your youth group students immediately become fully time missionaries!

“With the deconstruction of the modern sentiment of maternal love, a new, postmodern sentiment has emerged, one that might be called shared parenting.”  David Elkind, Ties That Stress The New Family Imbalance, page 53

Host parenting seminar at your church – Every parent in your community might needs tools to be a better parent.  So why not have a Christian therapist or respected Christian parents in your community come to your church and do a parenting seminar and invite the entire community?  Possible seminar topics:  commitment to one another, adequate time together, effective communication and conflict management, expression of appreciation and encouragement, find a shared spiritual life that gives meaning and purpose for the family. I have done this is the past and unchurched parents are way more open to coming to church when they are getting free parenting tools.

Communication – Bombard parents with communication.  Parents are always wanting to be in the “know.”  It is especially important to communicate with parents who don’t attend church themselves but who have students who do.  Unchurched parents are immediately suspicious of and lacking trust for the youth pastor and the church’s youth ministry.  Communicating what is happening in the youth ministry will (hopefully) help parents trust the youth pastor.  In the past, I wrote quarterly parent newsletters to inform, equip, and encourage parents.  I made this parent newsletter as public as possible.  I didn’t use much Christian jargon because I wanted the newsletter to appeal to all parents, not just parents who already attended our church.

Purchase parenting books in bulk and put them on your bookshelf – All parents will need books on how to parent through their teen’s life stages. Great books to recommend families on parenting:   Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof Parenting Beyond Your Capacity, Chap Clark, Parenting Teens In A Myspace World, and Michael Bradley, Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!:  Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind.  I bought all these books in bulk to pass on when a parent came to me with their teenage and family problems.  I could simply listen and pray with them, and then provide them a free resource that I trusted and knew it had great parenting content.

Do family events in your community that are sponsored by church – I had great success as the youth ministry partnered with other church ministries to do family based events.  i.e. beach BBQ, church picnic, camping, serving events, bowling nights, attend a pro baseball game, and all family church rummage sale.

Live out A theological understanding of incarnational witness and evangelism – Jesus engaged relationships with no expectations.  He was the light to the lost.  Therefore youth pastors need to be aware “other” parents are watching your every move when you are in public.  So don’t be a jerk.  Emulate Jesus to the best of your ability.  Reach out to have a relationship with parents even if they don’t want it.  Parents need to know you care and want to listen to their needs and concerns.  My point:  Be the Kingdom wherever you go.  Befriend, love, and serve all families.

Questions youth ministries need to think about:

(1) How does a youth pastor come alongside a students’ parent when they (parents) don’t want anything to do with the gospel?

(2)  What educational topics do parents need to be informed about?

(3)  What do we do, when parents don’t see the added value of youth ministries partnering with them?

(4)  What are other ways youth ministry can serve the local families in the community?

(5)  How do we serve the unconventional families in our community?

* Post inspired by the Holy Spirit, Lars Rood, and Nate Stratman

*  When I use the term youth parachurch organization, I am referring to organizations such as: Young Life, Fellowship of Christian Athletes, and Youth for Christ.

My argument: Youth parachurch organizations can be huge assets to youth ministries across the globe.

Problem: Many youth pastors don’t want anything to do with parachurch organizations because:

1)  They “steal” students from the church youth group.

2)  They don’t assimilate students back into the church body.

3)  They don’t concentrate on discipleship.

4)  Youth pastors have too many responsibilities within the church and wear too many hats as it is, and they don’t have the time to cultivate additional outside partnerships.

5) Parachurch communicators are not proclaiming the Gospel.  Read more here if you are curious about how and why Young Life got in trouble for not preaching the Gospel.

6) Youth pastors feel they need to focus on the students in their own church context before going beyond.

–>  I am going to show my cards…I love youth parachurch organizations.  One of my youth ministry mentors loves and worked in Young Life.  Also, I have had great success working with both FCA and Young Life.  In my experience, I love parachurch leaders because they are functioning like real world missionaries reaching lost kids. Here is my rationale for why parachurch leaders rock:

- Parachurch leaders know and pursue evangelism like it is going out of style.  Unfortunately church youth ministries have deeply failed to embrace and do evangelism effectively in a postmodern context.  Parachurch leaders have a firm focus on strategies in youth outreach, a solid theological understanding of incarnational outreach, how to appropriately talk about Jesus without looking like a cultural irrelevant freak, and do inside/out evangelism very effectively.

-  The parachurch leader knows how to fund raise and raise support.  The longevity a leader’s parachurch youth ministry efforts is determined by the success of fund raising efforts.  There is a huge urgency to raise financial support. Having to fund raise gives a ministry leader a new appreciation, focus, and mission for why they are doing what they are doing.  There is no messing around if you are having to provide the $ for your ministry – it is all business.  The parachurch leaders that I met with were always intense, focused, and on mission because they knew time and money was limited.  Therefore, they needed maximum results in a minimal amount of time.

Youth pastors can learn a lot from youth parachurch leaders and vice versa. What youth pastors need to remember when a parachurch organization comes into the community:

-  Youth parachurch organizations are the founding fathers of youth ministry.  Respect your youth ministry roots and history.  Learn more about the history of youth ministry by clicking here.

-  Do youth ministry with an urgency and with no complacency.  I have found that  major difference between a paid church youth pastor and a self funded parachurch ministry leader is that the youth pastor may be more prone to complacency.

-  Observe and assess on how parachurch organizations effectively reach the school campus for Jesus.  Last year, I was talking with a big wig for Youth for Christ and I told him I spend a lot of time on the school campus and he was surprised.  He said it is highly unlikely for a paid church youth pastor to spend x amount of hours on school campuses.  Why is that?  Every youth pastor should be a regular visible presence on the school campuses he/she serves (establish connections with school administrators and get permission, of course!).  You may be surprised to find (as I was), that school personnel will even call you directly when there are issues on campus, even if your students are not involved.

- I think paid church youth pastors can learn a thing about raising finances for a self-supported ministry.  Youth pastors cannot always rely on the church to fund the ministry vision, mission, and goals.

- Parachurch ministry leaders don’t know how to assimilate kids into your church because they don’t know that you or your church exists.  It is your job to connect with these organizations to ensure that students have a landing pad and are not left standing alone without a clue what to do with faith.  It is even better if the parachurch leader attends your church.

-  Your students may need a parachurch ministry that meets them where they are at.  Church youth group may not necessarily be the best fit for every student you come across.  Nate Stratman stated it best:  What is best for each student as far as long term spiritual formation is concerned, and how can the church and YL (parachurch) play formative roles in that process?

-  Youth pastors need to know students who attend their church are not prized possessions. They are special, important, and deserving of our time and energy, but they are not “ours.”  They belong to the Lord.  We have to learn to trust Him with them!

-  Students need more trusted adults in their life.  Research proves that students with healthy adult influences (beyond their parents) grow into healthier adults than their counterparts.

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What is your experience with parachurch organizations?

Do you have local parachurch ministries alive and thriving in your community?

What is your relationship with them?

How can we better love our parachurch friends, and partner with them to advance the Kingdom?

The other day I was asked:  “Jeremy Zach…once a student has gone through your youth ministry program what is one thing you want them to have internalized?”

My answer: That every teen KNOW they are a full time missionary in every facet of their life.  They are missionaries in their neighborhoods, schools, athletics, house, movie theater, restaurant, etc…  They have the ability to see God moving everywhere–in and outside of church.  I call this teenage missional living.

20.  Start a lunch time prayer meeting or Bible study during school

19.  Serve, love, respect, & obey  parents (Romans 1.30, Ephesians 6.1, Colossians 3.20, 2 Timothy 3.2)

18.  Respect  teachers and coaches authority

17.  Buy a non-friend lunch and eat with them

16.  Serve at the local shelter

15.  Babysit for free

14.  Provide free tutoring

13.  Pick up trash around the community

12.  Hang with “other” clusters of students on the weekends

11.  Do an after school sport, club, and drama that you would not normally do

10.  Stand up for the non-cool kids at school

09.  Help school janitor during study hall or lunch time

08.  Host study groups (don’t just give away all the answers)

07. Befriend non-believers and actually listen to their belief systems

06.  Throw fun, but safe weekend parties.  These party need to be so cool, the “real” party people want to come.  Also make sure your students are getting invite to other non-Christian parties.  Your students need to be seen as the party starters and not the party poopers.

05.  Intentionally have discussions with biology, physics, and science teachers about Intelligent Design

04.  Bring extra gum to school

03.  Get involved in school events

02.  Hang out with the school administration.  Administration are always looking for reliable and honest students as their liaisons.

01.  Talk a lot of about Jesus and how He has changed your life

A missional youth ministry highly values understanding (contextualization) and serving the local community.  In the youth ministry world, school campuses is where our students spend most of their time.  Having Jesus at the school campus, would only make logical and missional sense.  In my last post Youth Ministry In Culture, I argued one of the key components of transforming culture is serving the good of the local schools.

Traditionally churches and schools have a bad relationship.  In our culture, churches don’t have an instant street cred.  Let me say it another way:  people don’t give a rats butt that you are from a church.  Unfortunately churches have a credibility problem. 

My Assumptions:

Youth pastors enjoy….

- spending a lot of time at school campuses.

- being outward focused.

- taking their youth ministry outside of the church walls.

- going on “their” turf.

There is a right and wrong way to serve the good of the school for Jesus.

Wrong Way

- forcefully protesting and filing lawsuits against non-Christian curriculum (i.e. sex education, evolution, and religion history)

-  serve with attachments

-  demand instant respect and credibility

-  expect that prayer is welcome

-  talk trash about atheistic teachers–especially science teachers

Right Way

-  serve without conditions

-  offer free tutoring sessions

-  take prayer walks around campus

- pick up trash around school campus

-  become a substitute teacher

- attend school board meetings

- serve breakfast (doughnuts) outside of the school before it starts

-  donate $$ to school relate activities

-  if school has open lunch (students get to leave campus) host a lunch @ church

-  offer to chaperon after school activities/dances

-  attempt to coach a sport/activity

- respect school’s boundaries and laws such as preaching to students, passing out tracts, etc.

-  allow church building to be a resource for the school

-  schedule intentional meetings with school counselors, principal, and teachers asking the question how your organization can help without getting in the way

-  set up a “Christian Club” on campus

Homework

1.  How involved is your youth ministry at the school?

2.  Does your local school think your church is annoying or accepting?

3. How many Christians (teachers, students, and other staff) are at the school?

4.  Do your local schools need to see more Jesus?

Don’t forget it is not against the law to be praying people serving the good of the school