Men and women are not prisoners of fate, but prisoners of their own minds.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.
- John Milton

It does not help since I live most of my life and ministry in my head -  Benjamin Kerns (author of www.averageyouthministry.com)

I strongly believe there are many psychological costs for being in youth ministry.  Maintaining a healthy psyche while in youth ministry is extremely important.  I had a few friends exit out of ministry because of mental breakdowns.  A lot of the youth ministry trench work is obviously spiritual and inherently mental, which both are interconnected.  Our mental state is connected to not only our behaviors and feelings, but how we manage our life and youth ministry.

All I want to say is:  youth ministry is hard on the mind.  Youth pastors’ minds are very successible to wear and tear, if not handled properly.

Learning how to manage the mental discomfort in the midst of ministering to student determines the youth pastor’s sustainability in youth ministry. If youth pastors don’t treat the mental discomfort, it leads to youth pastors:  burning out, dropping out, flaking out, selling out, losing passion, becoming jaded/cynical, disillusioned, and moral failures.  Uncovering the  mental game is key to leading well in youth ministry.

Here is the deal: I wish someone would have told me youth ministry is hard when I first signed up to enter the youth ministry profession.   When I first received my call to youth ministry, I needed other youth pastors to tell me the many stories about the mental costs you have to undergo to work with students in a church setting. When I announced, to other ministry folks, I was going to dedicate my life to full time ministry I got a lot  smiles, high fives, and  excited spiritual rhetoric.  This is all gravy, but I wish someone would have sat me down, looked in my eyes and said:  Are you ready to embark on one of the toughest journeys of your life?

This post is for those individuals who are considering/thinking/praying/contemplating about becoming a youth pastor or wanting to enter youth ministry full time.  I have been very intentional when other wannabe youth pastors ask me:  How Do I Become A Youth Pastor?  I first give them the good news…wait a few days and then deliver the bad news.

Rediscoveries are common among philosopher; the human mind moves in a circle around its eternal problems – A.J. Liebling

So listen up potential youth pastors because I am going to share how to cope with the mind games while in youth ministry. I don’t want any more naivety about the reality of working in youth ministry.

12 strategies that prevent youth pastors from going crazy:

12.  Don’t let the negative voices win –  Through out my youth ministry career, I always tend to remember what I needed to forget, and forget what I needed to remember.  These voices were from demons, parents, senior pastors, students, church secretaries, church accountants, deacon, elders, and janitors.  Unfortunately, youth pastors have to deal with these constant negative mental reminders on a daily basis.  For example, these are some of the voices youth pastors might remember:

-  your every action will be observed and judged by the public, so don’t screw up!

- what you are doing in your dinky youth ministry is not making an impact on the lives of the students.

- you are not spending enough time at home being a good husband.

- you are not reading the scriptures for you.

-  you are not experienced enough to build a lasting and thriving youth ministry.

- you were the problem to why the other church leaders and churches have wronged and burned you.

- the negative comments (from students and parents) about you, your wife, kids, and your youth ministry are true.

It is helpful becoming aware of what is distorted thinking and combat that with what is true about yourself, your family, and your youth ministry.  Don’t let the false reminders win.

Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may not forget you. – Sir William Arthur

11. The power of confession to others – Get a group of like minded – same sex peeps and confess your stuff.  There is no need to let your sin build up because it will destroy you.  The guilt will keep growing and growing.  Get a psychological professional to help assist you in making sense of your screw ups or just help you just cope with ministry and life.  Make your church pay for your therapy since the church is causing you to get therapy.  When you are able to talk about what is really going on, it can help with your sanctification process.  Plus professional counselors are safe!!!!  Talking out loud about your issues with a trusted group of individuals is great for the mind/brain.

Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people. – Carl Jung

10. Betrayal is unavoidable – People will bad talk you and be nice to your face.  It doesn’t matter if you are the nicest, politest, and trusting youth pastor people will eventually throw you under the bus. Unfortunately Christian leaders and staff are the worse at throwing their youth pastor under the bus.  It is way easier to side with a frustrated parent than it is with the youth pastor.  Be prepare for the closest people to not get your back when you have their back.

I think it’s unfair, but they have the right as fallible, screwed-up humans to be unfair; that’s the human condition. -Albert Ellis

9. Pain is part of the job description – The more uncomfortable, the more growth.  In seasons of high pain, you learn a lot about ministry, life, your call, and your pain tolerance.  The people who have been wronged the most are one of the greatest contributers to this world. Allow anger to runs it course, but don’t allow it to drive your decisions, personality, and mood.

“Pain of mind is worse than pain of body.”
-  Latin Proverb

8.  Feel free to speak your mind (in the right contexts) – I think I don’t need to elaborate on this one.  Student pastors know how to do speak their opinion very well.

7. Rely on humor – Humor unlocks a lot. Laugh at the ridiculousness of all the painful ridicule.  Laughing it off helps gain a bigger perspective of what is really going on.

Every survival kit should include a sense of humor.  ~Author Unknown

6.  Compartmentalization –  Learning how to compartmentalize categories of the youth ministry lifestyle, allows youth pastors to leave it at all the church.  Empty your mind before you enter your home.  Learn to let things go.  Your living room is not church so don’t blend the two.  Attempt to categorize your mental demeanor in the multiple contexts in which you live and work in.  If you cross-pollinate the categories of your youth ministry life, it can be very messy, confusing, and poisonous.  Compartmentalization is detaching from the environments you are not in and engaging the present environment you are in.

5. Time: Allow the mind to saturate, incubate, and illuminate.  Time enables you to saturate your mind with a broader context, so you can incubate and recognize the patterns that give you insightful truth about the reality of the situation, which produces a sense of peace about the pain.  Find transitional times in your day where you can reflect about the day, so you are able to compartmentalize.  For example my two biggest transitional stalling spaces were my car ride home after youth group and the shower in the morning.

4.  Get use to getting hit: If you are actually leading or saying something that is making a difference, you will get verbally shot at and some times it hurts.  When you get verbally fired at:  Laugh it off, shrug it off, and let it roll off.  I call this CCE (Christian criticism endurance), which takes years of getting (passive/aggressive) criticisms by Christian people.

By not caring too much about what people think, I’m able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular. And I succeed. -Albert Ellis

3.  Find your escape sanctuary- You have to find your happy place.  Jesus liked mountains.  The youth ministry and church lifestyle is too dogmatic, programmatic, and others focused, which as a result runs your life leaving no room for your own personal sanctuary.  Read a great fiction book, watch a lot of movies and tv shows, play a sport, pick up a new hobby, eat great food, and explore the outdoors.  Basically do something that gets you away from the church and church people.  Last Spring, I needed a place where I could go under the radar and compete.  So  I started doing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.  For 6 months two days a week, I mentally unwound by practicing the martial art of BJJ.  It was life changing at the time because in the midst of ministry chaos, I was able to get away and clear my mind.

2.  Get friends outside of the church – get around non-church people and people who engerize and push you.  It is also very helpful getting non-ministry friends so you don’t end up talking about ministry all the time.  Non-church people help you detach from your church bubble.

1.  Soak in the Psalms and in Paul – Psalms have a way to calm the mind and remind youth pastors who is in control.  Paul shows his mental weakness and talks a lot of thoughts. This may be the reason to why he talks about endurance, perservance, and fighting the good fight.  He gets the mental aspect of doing ministry and how we need to focus on worshipping God with our mind.

But you, LORD, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high. – Psalms 3.3

Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.                                                              -  2 Corinthians 10:5

Paying attention to the psychology of the youth pastorate is not only great theology but may assist with developing a better youth ministry philosophy.

I am obsessed with Jason Bourne.  In fact, I have been known to dream about getting into the CIA.  If I am bored and nothing is on TV, I will fire up the Jason Bourne trilogy.   I have logged over 150 hours watching these Jason Bourne movies over and over again.  Because of this, I wanted to connect Jason Bourne with youth pastors to find certain commonalities both share.  So I had a blast writing this exclusive blog post:  Jason Bourne’s Basics For Youth Pastors.

The skills Jason Bourne and Youth Pastors Can Share:

1.  Cross Cultural Thinking - Jason Bourne had several passports and fully immersed himself in many cultural communities for short periods of time.  Youth pastors need to be hyper excited to immerse themselves and their students in multiple cultural communities and contexts.  Therefore, take students on mission trips to lands and cultures that are very different then your current context.  It is important to deepen awareness not only in your students but also in yourself, because complacency sets in if stuck in the same professional Christian environment for too long.  I would venture to say:  leave your current youth ministry environment 2-3 times a year to allow time to learn from other cultures (annual overseas trips are amazing, but you can also add several domestic opportunities to ensure that all of your students have a chance to serve outside of the comfort of their own community).  See  Seth Barnes’ free resources for cross cultural youth workers.

2.  Quick Thinking - No matter where Jason was or who he was with, he was able to make fast and effective decisions to get out of any problematic situation.  In youth ministry there are tons of unexpected events that transpire, which force youth pastors to think quickly on their feet.  The more experience youth pastors get in handling themselves in unexpected situations, the more able they will be to stay calm when proverbial poop hits the fan.

3.  Tri-Lingual — Jason Bourne was able to speak 7 languages (English, Dutch, German, Italian, French, Russian, and Spanish).  The Old Testament was originally written in Hebrew, and the New Testament was written in Koine Greek before our present day Bible was translated into English.  There is something about being familiar with the original languages that allows for deeper comprehension and a greater ability to interpret  what the original writers were attempting to say.  Jason Bourne is all about immersion, which involves learning the language of each culture and country he travels to and works with.  So, he would require youth workers to master the original Biblical languages–Hebrew and Greek.  Here are a few ways to learn Biblical languages without paying a fortune for seminary training:  Learn Biblical Languages, Learn BIblical Greek, Biblical Hebrew , —> these two resources are the best:  Resources for Basics of Biblical Hebrew, and Resources for Basics of Biblical Greek

4.  Tactical Improvisation-  Jason Bourne was highly resourceful.  He was always able to make things happen, regardless of the many limitations he faced.  Youth pastors must know their church traditions and context in order to solve problems.  Use the resources God has already given you and your church.  Find new solutions using resources that you already have.  More than likely the solution is sitting right in front of you.  When you face a problem, take a quick inventory of what you already have around you to solve the problem.  Here is a small, simple example: When I ran out of seating options in a youth room too small to add more chairs, it would have been easy for me to run out and purchase benches, cushions, etc. to solve the problem.  Instead, I remembered that a family in our church was trying to get rid of some home goods, and they were planning on taking everything to the dumpster.  Additionally, a teacher in the congregation was planning on taking a hiatus and I knew she had pillows and cushions in her classroom.  I offered to “store” them for her in the youth room!  I was able to help two members of the congregation while at the same time solving a problem in the youth ministry.

5.  Master of Disguise - It didn’t matter where Jason Bourne was, his outfit would blend in and adapt to his current context.   He was able to quickly put on a costume or a disguise to increase his likelihood of success in a given situation. Youth pastors: make sure to have multiple clothing outfits in your youth ministry office closets.  The beauty about the youth pastorate is that you interact with a variety of people–teenagers, principles, teachers, senior pastors, parents, coaches, students, adult volunteers, and what you wear matters.  Chap Clark, a youth ministry professor at Fuller Theological Seminary, taught me that a youth pastor’s clothing needs to match the type of people he/she is meeting.  Present yourself like a respectable adult when meeting and interacting with parents and adult volunteers.  Your outfits should resemble the majority of your audience.  How you present yourself (including what you wear) does really matter.

6.  Enjoy Electronic Gadgets - Jason Bourne had all the latest technological gadgets and so should youth pastors.  Technology is a youth pastor’s friend, so embrace it. There is no need to feel ashamed to get the latest gadgets.  I am guessing here, but I think Jason Bourne would want youth pastors to have the following electronic gadgets in their youth ministry:

-  Calculator Watch

-  A big 3-D TV in your youth room

-  Live TV in your church van

-  The most portable keyboard ever for your office

-  Portable Universal Cell Phone Jammer (trust me your youth group students will never use their cell phones during youth group ever again!!!)

-  Spy Sunglasses (you never want your students to know that you are spying on them outside of church to check up if they really are “Christians”)

- A Tracer (you don’t believe your students are reading their Bible?  Place a tracer on them)

** Some of these gadget ideas where taken from:  10 of the year’s coolest gadgets on CNNMONEY, Gadgetcool.com, Top 10 Barely-legal Gadgets For the Modern Spy

Ok, so maybe you don’t need to get ALL of the above gadgets (though I highly recommend taking the cell phone jammer to your Elder Board or finance committee), but I definitely do recommend incorporating technology where you can.  One important thing to remember is that your technology should create a PARADIGM SHIFT, meaning that there is a change in the way things are done.

Don’t simply use technology in youth ministry to continue doing the exact same thing in a new way. For example, if you are using a perfectly decent old school overhead projector to display your worship lyrics, purchasing an LCD projector to simply project those same lyrics might be frivolous.

Jason Bourne uses technology that allows him to do things that would be impossible without it. If you do buy that LCD projector, make sure that it enhances your ministry and allows you to do things that you couldn’t before.  In my youth ministry, I had a student who became too ill to attend youth meetings regularly.  I decided it was time to purchase a HD webcam.  The webcam enabled us to use Skype, which made it possible for the student to attend youth group from home.  Essentially we did youth ministry via webchat.  The webcam made it possible for us to do something we couldn’t have done any other way.

You won’t get grief for having the latest gadgets if you can show that they truly change the way you do ministry and expand the ministry itself. Jason Bourne harnesses technology that revolutionizes how he gets missions done.   Youth pastors experiment with new technology that provide a new function in how to do youth ministry. The worst thing that can happen is it fails and you lose money, but your students will still think any new technology you are using is cool regardless of it’s functionality.

Now consider your youth ministry influenced by Jason Bourne.

Youth pastors are notorious for doing and saying dumb stuff.

Top 5 Things Youth Pastors Do:

Eat really unhealthy

The youth pastor schedule is not ideal for eating healthy.  We eat what kids love to eat– pizza, hamburgers, fries, corn dogs, tatter tots, and ice cream.  Read more…

NIV Zechariah 7:6 And when you were eating and drinking, were you not just feasting for yourselves?

Proverbs 3:7-8  7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.  8 This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

Don’t Read Our Bible

I have this theory:  the younger the youth pastor, the less they ACTUALLY read their Bible.  Why?  Us young youth pastors think we know it all. We have read the latest and coolest books about the church so we think we have something new to say about the Bible. We only read our Bible when we need to create a sermon.  Very rarely do we just read it for ourselves.   Honestly how many of us actually carry around a physical Bible?  No an Iphone Bible app does not count.

NIV 2 Timothy 3:16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,

Become too culturally relevant and complacent

I am all about contextualization but our relevance needs boundaries.  It is troubling when youth pastors devote more time, energy, and resources to their image than to their theology.  I am very guilty of this. I think being in the same culture or context is extremely helpful but  can lead to a dangerous place of complacency. It is imperative we realize that the Kingdom of God’s values are counter-cultural. This is why Ignatius the Ultimate Youth Pastor is so brilliant.

Click here to view the embedded video.

At some level all youth pastors do something Ignatius does. 

Don’t study enough

Technology is a beautiful thing, however we live in a wiki world.  If we want to know something, we can find an answer in 15 seconds.  We go right to google.com and believe Wikipedia is a valid and reputable source.  Actually reading a book and going to a library is a foreign concept.  If we need a youth sermon, we google “youth sermon”.  Here is an idea… actually read your Bible, use commentaries, and ask the holy spirit to speak to you.  In many ways, technology has made youth ministry and youth pastors homogeneous.

NIV Ezra 7:10 For Ezra had devoted himself to the study and observance of the Law of the LORD, and to teaching its decrees and laws in Israel.

NIV Nehemiah 8:8 They read from the Book of the Law of God, making it clear  and giving the meaning so that the people could understand what was being read.

Take ourselves way too seriously…

How many hours in our weeks do we try to  justify our actions, behaviors, decisions, and theology in church land?  Youth pastors are already at a disadvantage position in the church hierarchy.  If a parent complains about us, it takes us 2 weeks to get over it.  There is a real power in laughing it off.  Make fun of yourself and your stupid mistakes.  Talk a lot about your failures and idiotic tendencies.  My point:  We cannot take ourselves too seriously, but it is imperative to take God’s work very seriously.  We have nothing to prove to anyone.  We constantly need to be growing a thicker skin and laugh a lot.  Read More…

NIV Galatians 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

NIV 1 Thessalonians 2:4 On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.

NIV 2 Corinthians 5:13 If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you.

NIV Proverbs 14:13 Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief.

What matters most as a committed–common youth pastor who is employed at an Evangelical church?

After much contemplation, here is my list:

1.  Back Your Church Leadership 100%

Many youth pastors have a difficult time “fitting” in at church.  Youth pastors have the tendency to be cynical, skeptical, question, and disagree with how church does things.  For example… youth pastor have beef with church leadership structure, vision, policies, etc.. I think being a church problem is in the DNA of a good youth pastor.  It is easy to listen to other members of the church complain about the same things you complain about.  But at the end of the day you as the youth pastor back your church leadership.  I don’t care how much you disagree/hate/dislike your church vision/leadership you get their backs. My youth pastor buddy Caleb stated it very well:  You may disagree with your church leadership decisions, but always respect their position of authority. However if your church leadership doesn’t back you as the youth pastor, that is different ball game and you may want to leave ASAP. 

2.  Let  your NO be NO.

In the past, I have had a difficult time saying NO to really demanding people.  Although I have been saying NO and you need to hold tight–a lot lately.  In my personality profile, I am a people pleaser.  I like to win over the crowd. In comparison, youth ministry is one big awkward–tough–difficult conversation.

My tendency is to say YES, but the reality is my family and ministry need  me to say NO.

By saying NO to everyone’s great idea, you are freed to focus in on what God is calling you to do in and through your youth ministry.  If you are too busy implementing everyone’ else ideas, you will lack motivation and your youth ministry will become very misguided.  Focusing on less means the youth pastor needs to say NO more.

3.  Stick To The Basics

We all know the basics, but we forget a lot.  It is funny— we remember what we are suppose to forget, but we forget what we are suppose to remember. So remember this…..

You need a lot of time with Jesus!

Family is everything.  If your family life is a mess, and your ministry is thriving you have a deep theological and personal problem.

Ministry.  Ministry is ministry.  It sucks.  It is hard. But someone has to do the job.  Remember you are called by God to co-labor with Him at your church.  Ministry is the means, not the end.

4.  Prayer

Pray your butt off.  Every day soak in Ephesians 6.  There are too many complexities and difficulties to youth ministry, so really the only thing you can do is pray and keep trying things out.  MC HAMMER said it best:  You have to pray just to make it today.

Theologically trash talking among other trained youth pastors can be fun, but one needs to be careful and mindful.  It doesn’t matter if a youth pastor is a fundamentalist, hippie, Pentecostal, legalistic, compromisers, sinner, left wing liberal, tattoo artist, and/or religious; you are going to get doctrinally attacked at some point in your youth ministry career.

Some youth pastors (I call them doctrine dogs) love taking this verse: ^“Titus 1:9 holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the doctrine, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict.” to literally by rebuking everyone and their mom who disagrees with their doctrine paradigm.

I agree there are some crazy and wacky doctrines out there that need to be corrected because they are not about Jesus.  Youth pastors need to contend (Jude 3) for the essential doctrines of the Christian faith and contextualize (1 Cor  9) truth by many means as possible. The problem is some youth pastors enjoy only contending for the Christian faith, which means they are mean spirited, legalistic, fundamentalist, religious people who only define themselves by what they are against.

Personally, I think the best way to go is being theologically conservative and socially liberal.

My point: It is not a bad thing to hold closely your life and doctrine (1 Tim 4.16), but one doesn’t need to be so eager to correct “doctrine”.  Jesus biggest concerns are:  1. Love God and 2.  Love people.

So how do youth pastors handle themselves when they get doctrinally corrected? 

1. Affirm one or two points in their theological argument

It does not matter if your opponent is dead wrong, there always a learning moment in any argument.  Learn from everyone, but have the discern what to take from the conversation.

2. Have a theological position, but don’t alienate yourself

Be passionate, but don’t let your passion turn into anger.  Anger leaves you isolated and removed.  Communicate in a rational and calm way while still showing your passion for why you believe what you believe.

3. Be Confident and Considerate

Use sources and make sure you have done your homework.  There might be a slim chance you are wrong, so be open for correction.  Be prepared to give a response, but do it gently (1 Peter 3.15).  If you are frustrated, consider it a “sanctification moment”. Humility needs to be presence in a “sanctification moment”.  It is about becoming more like Jesus, not like the Pharisees.  Sometimes it is more about being right, than it is “correcting doctrine”.

4. Do Not Attack Their Persona

It is so much easier to start making fun of someone’s hair, than it is to prove them wrong.  I am notorious for this.  Deal with the content at hand, not their character or fashion style.  Shy away from sarcasm and blow the belt jabs.

5. Refer To Theological Experts That Agree With Your Position

By referring to the experts not only shows you have read what other intelligent Bible scholars have said about the doctrine, but illustrates to the other party there are other theological views he/she needs to consider and be aware of.

Bottom line:  Stay Gospel centered, don’t compromise, and don’t let the doctrinal police bum you out.