(pic brought to you by:  Miss Blackflag)

As a youth worker, one of the nastiest teen bullying episodes I encountered was on facebook.  I knew cyber bullying was happening, but I didn’t know it got so mean, dirty and out of control.

I quickly learned:  Students can leverage their social media influence to bully students they don’t like.  And the scary thing is that the cyber bully can easily frame any student by easily manipulating and destroying their online presence in a matter of seconds. Students are more inclined to be really unkind online.

So how do we (parents, peers and pastor) help kids who get caught in this social media bullying crossfire?

Parents:  The youth ministry needs to not only educate but enroll parents to help protect and monitor their student’s social media presence.  The monitoring of the parents will greatly help when you (the youth pastor) hear and/or see the online bullying happening.  When others would tell me about online bullying or I would see it for myself I would simply shoot the parents an email/text saying:  ”You may want to look at your student’s facebook page”.  The biggest advantage to online bullying is that it is public domain, so everyone can see it and help stop it.

According to Pew research (Pew’s research ran a series of seven focus groups with teens aged 12 to 19):

77 percent say they’ve (the parents) checked a website that their child has visited. Two thirds have searched to see what kind of data showed up about their child.

86 percent of teens said they’ve gleaned “general advice” from their parents on using the ‘Net safely’.

58% of teen internet and cell phone users told Pew that “their parents have been the biggest influence on what they think is appropriate or inappropriate when using the internet or a cell phone.

More than six in ten teens report that they know their parents have checked their social media profile, and 41% of parents of online teens have friended their child on a social network site

Parents are key when trying to prevent online bullying.  They can stop it before it gets out of control or it is too late.

Peers: friends are obviously a huge part of a teenagers life.  So it may be wise to get other trusted adults to lean into the peer network when confronting cyber bullying.  We can invite the peers (of the one being bullied) not to join in on the cyber bullying and also stand up to the bullier by asking him/her/they to stop.  Ask the friends to stand up for what is right when they see their friends getting bullied.

According to Pew research:

But over half (55 percent) said that most of their peers ignore the bad treatment or bullying of others. Nineteen percent admitted that they “frequently see others join in the harassment.”

The role of the friend is very pivotal because how he/she responds, determines if the online bullying continues.

Pastor:  As a youth pastor, I think it is our responsibility to help assist, correct, confront, discipline, encourage and equip our students’ online lives.  Students always need more help in how they navigate their online world.  Also don’t hesitate to confront the cyber bully.  I had no problems confronting the cyber bully who was bullying students in the community.

Plus if parents know they have another trusted-committed-online savvy adult looking out for their teen online, then parents will automatically love you.  I am a big advocate for youth pastors pastoring their student online.  This online pastoring not only protects their students, but invites students to be like Jesus in their online relationships.  A student simply needs to be taught and modeled how to conduct their offline and online presence.  Essentially both the online and offline Christian teenager needs to love and reflect Jesus in every  ”space” of their life and they may be looking to their parents and youth pastor for help.

According to Pew research:

70 percent of teens said they’ve gotten advice from teachers or other adults at school and in the community.

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Questions For the Youth Pastor:

How do you educate parents about social media?  Do you feel like your parents are checking their students online profiles?

How involved should a youth pastor get in “pastoring” their students online?

Do you find in your context that online bullying is a happening frequently?  Why or why not.

What other ways can youth ministries stop online bullying?   How have you dealt with online bullying in your youth ministry?

Younger adults rely on technology to facilitate their search for meaning and connection.  Technologies have begun to rewire the ways in which young people – meet, express themselves, use content and stay connected.

My warning::: Please don’t let the integration of technology in your youth ministry dictate every aspect of your ministry.  If you do, you will have missed my point.  The use of technology should be used to enhance what you are already doing and to potentially change the way you are doing it, but only if it furthers the Kingdom.  Just being connected for the sake of being connected will waste the resource that technology can be.  There will need to be appropriate boundaries applied to this technology integration.  I would highly recommend Rhett Smith’s (licensed therapist and youth pastor) article:  Maintaing Relational Presence in a Technological World, which describes the insane importance of intentionality when using technology and how technology usage shapes us.

Orange and XP3Students are very interested in figuring out the way technology is changing the family landscape and giving parents (with teenagers) practical advice of how to deal with it.  I think youth workers need to speak to what aspects are greatly impacting all families (both in and out of the church).

At my previous church, we had 5th graders on the new 4G iphone (with unlimited minutes, texting, and internet usage) communicating with their parents trying to coordinate their rides home from church.  I also had high school females sending and receiving 5,000 texts a month and mad at their parents because they had to pay the overcharges.  In contrast, I had students who were only allowed to use mobile phones to talk to their parents.  Then again, is technology the only problem that is impacting the family?

I think it is safe to say: our culture is moving into the digital age which is changing teenagers and parents. But how does a youth worker equip both the teenagers and parents on how to deal with this digital domination?

Questions For Student Pastors or Teen Social Workers:

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-  What is the effect of technology on the family?

-  What other aspects (besides technology) are impacting the 21st American family?

-  What are some of the major issues unchurched families are encountering?

-  Should a student pastor/social worker use mobile technology to communicate with parents?  How does a student pastor/social worker use mobile technology to communicate with parents?

-  From a youth pastor/teen social worker perspective, how have you observed the families in your church/organization phone usage? What effect does parents phone usage have on their teens?  What effect does teen phone usage have on parents?

-  Do parents in your church/organization monitor their teen’s mobile technology usage?  Why or why not?

-  Is technology usage regionally or socioeconomically driven?  Does income level change what impacts the family? Basically do all families struggle with the same things?

-  What percentage of family communication happens online?  How much of your family rhythm is centered around technology?

-  What is the most effective time families spend together that is not centered around technology?

-  As you look to the future, do you believe that technology will deepen family relationships or diminish family relationships?  Why?

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**  Any feedback would be extremely helpful!  Also if you have any additional insight regarding:  What Is Impacting The Family? Please provide them in the comment section or email me directly.

I am obsessed with Jason Bourne.  In fact, I have been known to dream about getting into the CIA.  If I am bored and nothing is on TV, I will fire up the Jason Bourne trilogy.   I have logged over 150 hours watching these Jason Bourne movies over and over again.  Because of this, I wanted to connect Jason Bourne with youth pastors to find certain commonalities both share.  So I had a blast writing this exclusive blog post:  Jason Bourne’s Basics For Youth Pastors.

The skills Jason Bourne and Youth Pastors Can Share:

1.  Cross Cultural Thinking - Jason Bourne had several passports and fully immersed himself in many cultural communities for short periods of time.  Youth pastors need to be hyper excited to immerse themselves and their students in multiple cultural communities and contexts.  Therefore, take students on mission trips to lands and cultures that are very different then your current context.  It is important to deepen awareness not only in your students but also in yourself, because complacency sets in if stuck in the same professional Christian environment for too long.  I would venture to say:  leave your current youth ministry environment 2-3 times a year to allow time to learn from other cultures (annual overseas trips are amazing, but you can also add several domestic opportunities to ensure that all of your students have a chance to serve outside of the comfort of their own community).  See  Seth Barnes’ free resources for cross cultural youth workers.

2.  Quick Thinking - No matter where Jason was or who he was with, he was able to make fast and effective decisions to get out of any problematic situation.  In youth ministry there are tons of unexpected events that transpire, which force youth pastors to think quickly on their feet.  The more experience youth pastors get in handling themselves in unexpected situations, the more able they will be to stay calm when proverbial poop hits the fan.

3.  Tri-Lingual — Jason Bourne was able to speak 7 languages (English, Dutch, German, Italian, French, Russian, and Spanish).  The Old Testament was originally written in Hebrew, and the New Testament was written in Koine Greek before our present day Bible was translated into English.  There is something about being familiar with the original languages that allows for deeper comprehension and a greater ability to interpret  what the original writers were attempting to say.  Jason Bourne is all about immersion, which involves learning the language of each culture and country he travels to and works with.  So, he would require youth workers to master the original Biblical languages–Hebrew and Greek.  Here are a few ways to learn Biblical languages without paying a fortune for seminary training:  Learn Biblical Languages, Learn BIblical Greek, Biblical Hebrew , —> these two resources are the best:  Resources for Basics of Biblical Hebrew, and Resources for Basics of Biblical Greek

4.  Tactical Improvisation-  Jason Bourne was highly resourceful.  He was always able to make things happen, regardless of the many limitations he faced.  Youth pastors must know their church traditions and context in order to solve problems.  Use the resources God has already given you and your church.  Find new solutions using resources that you already have.  More than likely the solution is sitting right in front of you.  When you face a problem, take a quick inventory of what you already have around you to solve the problem.  Here is a small, simple example: When I ran out of seating options in a youth room too small to add more chairs, it would have been easy for me to run out and purchase benches, cushions, etc. to solve the problem.  Instead, I remembered that a family in our church was trying to get rid of some home goods, and they were planning on taking everything to the dumpster.  Additionally, a teacher in the congregation was planning on taking a hiatus and I knew she had pillows and cushions in her classroom.  I offered to “store” them for her in the youth room!  I was able to help two members of the congregation while at the same time solving a problem in the youth ministry.

5.  Master of Disguise - It didn’t matter where Jason Bourne was, his outfit would blend in and adapt to his current context.   He was able to quickly put on a costume or a disguise to increase his likelihood of success in a given situation. Youth pastors: make sure to have multiple clothing outfits in your youth ministry office closets.  The beauty about the youth pastorate is that you interact with a variety of people–teenagers, principles, teachers, senior pastors, parents, coaches, students, adult volunteers, and what you wear matters.  Chap Clark, a youth ministry professor at Fuller Theological Seminary, taught me that a youth pastor’s clothing needs to match the type of people he/she is meeting.  Present yourself like a respectable adult when meeting and interacting with parents and adult volunteers.  Your outfits should resemble the majority of your audience.  How you present yourself (including what you wear) does really matter.

6.  Enjoy Electronic Gadgets - Jason Bourne had all the latest technological gadgets and so should youth pastors.  Technology is a youth pastor’s friend, so embrace it. There is no need to feel ashamed to get the latest gadgets.  I am guessing here, but I think Jason Bourne would want youth pastors to have the following electronic gadgets in their youth ministry:

-  Calculator Watch

-  A big 3-D TV in your youth room

-  Live TV in your church van

-  The most portable keyboard ever for your office

-  Portable Universal Cell Phone Jammer (trust me your youth group students will never use their cell phones during youth group ever again!!!)

-  Spy Sunglasses (you never want your students to know that you are spying on them outside of church to check up if they really are “Christians”)

- A Tracer (you don’t believe your students are reading their Bible?  Place a tracer on them)

** Some of these gadget ideas where taken from:  10 of the year’s coolest gadgets on CNNMONEY, Gadgetcool.com, Top 10 Barely-legal Gadgets For the Modern Spy

Ok, so maybe you don’t need to get ALL of the above gadgets (though I highly recommend taking the cell phone jammer to your Elder Board or finance committee), but I definitely do recommend incorporating technology where you can.  One important thing to remember is that your technology should create a PARADIGM SHIFT, meaning that there is a change in the way things are done.

Don’t simply use technology in youth ministry to continue doing the exact same thing in a new way. For example, if you are using a perfectly decent old school overhead projector to display your worship lyrics, purchasing an LCD projector to simply project those same lyrics might be frivolous.

Jason Bourne uses technology that allows him to do things that would be impossible without it. If you do buy that LCD projector, make sure that it enhances your ministry and allows you to do things that you couldn’t before.  In my youth ministry, I had a student who became too ill to attend youth meetings regularly.  I decided it was time to purchase a HD webcam.  The webcam enabled us to use Skype, which made it possible for the student to attend youth group from home.  Essentially we did youth ministry via webchat.  The webcam made it possible for us to do something we couldn’t have done any other way.

You won’t get grief for having the latest gadgets if you can show that they truly change the way you do ministry and expand the ministry itself. Jason Bourne harnesses technology that revolutionizes how he gets missions done.   Youth pastors experiment with new technology that provide a new function in how to do youth ministry. The worst thing that can happen is it fails and you lose money, but your students will still think any new technology you are using is cool regardless of it’s functionality.

Now consider your youth ministry influenced by Jason Bourne.