The Presidential election is approaching and I, an American citizen, feel as though I need to educate myself in order to cast an educated vote. I am trying to get my hands on any McCain and Obama literature.

I just finished Obama’s book: The Audacity of Hope.

I absolutely loved the chapter where Obama addresses the American nuclear family. Obama argues that the American family is deeply declining. He fires off these alarming statistics: ½ of first marriages end in divorce, 60% of divorces involve children, 1/3 of American children are born out of wedlock, and 40% of children don’t live with their biological fathers.

Despite the notion of majority of Americans feel that marriage is the best foundation for personal intimacy and economic stability, the 21st American family system is in deep trouble. About 55% of American families do not live in a perfect home with a biological mother and father, two kids, and a pet dog named Lassie.

A child living in a single parent home is 5 times more likely to be poor than a child living in a two parent household. This is the world in which we live in. I do not expect the government, congress, and the President to bully and make direct mandates for those who are not in a perfect nuclear family. I do not think it is fair for the American government to regulate what happens in our bedrooms.

If you were fat, would you like the government to regulate your diet and eating schedule? If you were born into one of the most poorest areas of the US and did not have access to birth control and knew it did not even exist, should you be punished for not having safe sex?

I do not believe that the government should bully people into relationships that we think are right for them or punishing those who do not meet our “sexual purity standard”.

One can say that Hollywood movies, liberals, gay pride parades, 2nd wave of feminist movement, MTV, video games, and music are assaulting our nuclear American families, which is causing them to become broken or unsettled.

I rather not point the finger to “these apparent things” and blame these things for destroying the family. I would rather adequately and effectively address and handle the massive family system problems that are strongly confronting our societies.

Who has the capacity to address and handle these problems? Government or society?

It is my belief that the government has a small role, but I feel that the church and community and non profit organizations handle the vast majority of the roles.
The church, community centers, and non profit organizations should be centers that give assistance to the traditional and nontraditional family system, while communicating a message of sexual purity.

I am very passionate about (unconventional and conventional) families. Unfortunately, I have worked with way too many broken, nontraditional, traditional, and messed up families to say the American family is doing okay. They are not and we cannot be blaming everyone and everything else for their problems. The problem is much deeper than that. It should be the call and job of the community organizations to step in and address the family system problem.

© 2009, Jeremy Zach. All rights reserved.

Alan Hirsch has written a few books:

Forgotten Ways, The: Reactivating the Missional Church

Rejesus: A Wild Messiah for a Missional Church

The Shaping of Things to Come: Innovation and Mission for the 21 Century Church

However the book I will focus on is:  ReJesus.

The Hirsch’s argued two things in ReJesus. First, the church needs to Re-focus on the family.  The real focus on the family has missed it’s target.  What focus on the family has elevated the stereotypical Christian family, which really doesn’t exist anymore.  Church families are expected to be a family that really doesn’t exist.  What!?  Family ministries across the nation have a false perception of what a “good-perfect church family” looks like and for some people the nuclear family is not an option.

The nuclear family is an idol in the American church.  We cannot get back to the nuclear family.  The nuclear family doesn’t exist anymore.

Second, the Bible has a broader view of how it sees family.  Family ministries need to expand their understanding of the family and the family of God.  The church needs to see itself as a family of families.  The goal is not to be like the perfect-nuclear-Christian family, rather it is to be the family of God with a Kingdom trajectory.  1 Corinthians 9.5 alludes to how the disciples brought their families along when they orchestrated ministry.  The church is the instrument to facilitate communal relationships to continue the themes of being the Kingdom to others.  Charles Cell indicates that family life is really important and we need to take themes from the family and practice them in our church life.

Therefore, the church becomes a family of families who are achieving the same Christ mission.  Bottom line our churches need to be a permeable living and breathing organic family of families unit with Kingdom trajectory intentions.  Notice this broader view of the church family sees all families as one and does not favor the families that appear really “Christian”.

These two thoughts have two implications.

First,

It is my belief that churches have an amazing opportunity to really implement this Kingdom of God family vision very effectively.  Churches are already tighter families so therefore it is more practical to see the church as a family of families being the Kingdom to other families and to their town.

Second, youth ministries need to stop having their special youth ministry Sunday morning services on Sunday.  Regardless of how big your church is and if your families like it or not, youth pastors and youth ministries need to stop having their main youth ministry events on Sunday morning.  Families need to worship together on Sunday.  Yes I know parents want a break on Sunday mornings but being a parent is a 24/7 job.  Parents cannot take days off, especially on Sundays.

Reggie Joiner over at reThink Group understands the reality of how children ministry, youth ministry, and family ministry all need to be interacting and relying on one another.

Keep valuing family at your church.  How each ministry does ministry should heavy consider the family system, regardless how broken and fragmented the families are at your church.

© 2009, Jeremy Zach. All rights reserved.

What percentage of your families in your youth ministry are divorced families?

Our youth ministries need to be more prepared and equipped to handle broken and divorced families.  More importantly, we (as the youth pastor) shouldn’t view these divorced families as the “special families.” Unfortunately, it is becoming more common to have Christians who are divorcing.

I forgot what religion has the highest divorce rate?

Bottom line:  youth pastors need to theologically and practically learn how to deal with “church” families that are divorced and have re-married.

My parents are divorced and when they divorced the “church families” that my family was close to, didn’t know how to respond to my “divorced family”.  It was like we were now aliens and my family committed the unforgivable sin.

I always love watching youth pastors who were home schooled, really well churched, and come from a very traditional background, scrabble and sweat when real life issues come their way, namely divorce.

The most successful 21st century youth ministries will be the youth ministries that directly deal with divorced families.  21st century youth ministries will not be this holy huddle of only the “good” church kids, rather it will be the exact opposite.

As youth pastors we don’t avoid the divorced families rather we embrace and learn how to best minister to them.  I think it is really damaging when youth ministries claim to be a “family based youth ministry” because this basically means:  Our youth ministry will be only for the “good church families”.

Let me be clear:  A marriage is an oath to the Lord, so therefore spouses need to remain faithful to one another.  Our church and youth ministry needs to affirm marriage and we need to have great compassion and understanding towards divorce people.  God hates divorce (Malachi 2.16).  Divorce was common in Mosaic law.  God provides for divorce (Jeremiah 3.8).  Even Joseph (step father of Jesus) was going to divorce Mary quietly (Matt 1.19).  Jesus also hates divorce (Matt 19.3) and He provides a reason to leave as well (Matt 5.30).

In my context, it appears to me that knowing how to deal with divorced families (disregarding how messy they are) will be the 21st century youth ministries greatest strength.  A divorced family needs so much restoration and healing.

Seek after the students who are from divorced families.  Know how to give these students God hope while giving them a place to vent their frustrations about their parents.  I guarantee there are some deep wounds that need to be prayed over.

All I am saying is:  let us not isolated the divorced families in our youth ministry because you don’t know how to handle the many difficulties and complexities these families bring.  Accept them for who they are and who knows you may learn a few things.  If you are a youth pastor who comes from a really good family that went to church growing up and you have not experienced the deep wounds of divorce….first be thankful and second don’t be afraid to go after the students who come from more of a non-traditional up bringing.

© 2009, Jeremy Zach. All rights reserved.

Nothing drives me more bonkers than a youth ministry that tailors to the “good”, conventional, and super spiritual families.  A conventional family is the family who is always happy, has a dog, 2 sons and 1 daughter, loves church, mom stays home, and never has any problems.

I would argue that organizations like Focus on the Family are stuck because they only focus on one type of family.

In reality this conventional and nuclear family is really rare.  If a youth pastor assumes that this conventional family is the majority of families in their Church, then the youth ministry is doing a disservice to how he/she is arranging family ministry in their Church.

The word for family that we use in English isn’t in the Bible. The Hebrew word “Batith”, which means house or household (greek Okkia). In the US, families are not permeable. I think the divorce rate (especially among Christians) speaks to the permeability of American families. You are a family if you call yourself a family, namely a social unit living together.

The North American family system has underwent many cultural shifts over the past 50 years. The roles and expectations of women, men, and children have changed. The role of the women has gone from nurture to co-earner; the role of the men has went from protector/provider to not really being sure what their role is. This is very problematic because, in a sense, this creates a fragmentation in the family system and as a result a fragmented church. Historically, the family was the central of the church. Today family isn’t at the center of the church. We pretend it is, but it isn’t. The Church needs to recapture the inter-connectiveness of the traditional and non-traditional family, while be integrated into Church family.

My point: The definition of family is up for grabs, so therefore let us not only cater to the “good and perfect” families in our church.

Let’s stop pretending that the families in our church…

….are spiritually growing

….have a solid marriage

… pray together daily

….have familial rituals

….love one another

….read the Bible together

…enjoy going to church together

How does a youth ministry minster to the families that are:

Single parent families?

Blended families?

Unequally yoked?

Deeply severed by divorce?

Drug addicts?

Alcohol addicts?

Sex addicts?

Experiencing adultery?

Experiencing depression?

I argue that the Church must become a family of families. Youth ministries need to set up family ministry programs that incorporate the aspects of: Counseling, family life spiritual education, and generational integration.  Naturally, a small church is typically viewed as a family of families.  So for a small town youth pastor, it is easier to arrange a youth ministry that is family friendly.  

So if a broken or perfect family starts attending your church, your youth ministry will be equipped to minister to any type of family.  

Some possible suggestions for a church to be a family of families:

* Real World Parents

*  Contact local Christian counseling center

*  Provide Parenting educational seminars

*  Do multi-generational church events (mission trip, church picnic, spaghetti dinner)

*  Parenteen

© 2009, Jeremy Zach. All rights reserved.

How should parents monitor their teen’s cell phone minutes and text messaging?

Problems with teens and texting:

*  Textual (sexual) harassment

*  Text messaging is used for cheating in school

So therefore youth pastors needs to make parents aware of:

*  How to monitor minutes and text messaging usage

*  Two software programs that can be used to track all text messages and phone calls.

explore anywhere software

my mobile watchdog

According to my last month cell phone bill, I went through about 3000 txt messages and I really don’t have that many friends and I am not that cool.  However students go through about 5000 to 6000 text messages a month.  Whether good or bad, txt messaging is one of the preferred methods of communication for teenagers.

The article This Kid’s A Text Maniac, in  the New York Post and in the OC Register, demonstrates how one teenage gal received and sent 14,528 text messages in a month.

The OC Register columnist states:  “Texting is becoming more and more popular, and growing at a spectacular rate. Text-messaging is now hard-wired into our culture. It’s in our DNA — particular among young people.”

Bottom line:  Teenagers are the biggest demographic group that is text messaging and parents need to know and understand why teenagers are text messaging like crazy.

The three biggest problems I see with text messaging is:  1)  students cheating on test through text messaging, 2) textual harassment, and 3) high cell phone bills.

It is our job as the youth pastor to inform, equip, and educate the parents and expose to them the teenager text messaging phenomena.  Regardless how the parents monitor their child’s text messaging is up to them, but we should make them aware.

Also I think youth pastor need to maximize and utilize text messaging in their youth ministry by using Txt Signal. For $10 a month, Txt Signal gives youth groups the ability to get one message out to many people in just moments.

© 2009, Jeremy Zach. All rights reserved.